yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
