i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
