i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
