Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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