But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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