WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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