My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
