hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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