I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
