I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
