remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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