apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize