Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Randomize
