So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
