dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
