you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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