I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
how drunk are you?
Several
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize