the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
