I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
