Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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