well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The air was thick with penises
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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