Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
