I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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