I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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