A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
