My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
