not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
