thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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