Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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