people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
