and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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