do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize