Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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