What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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