The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
