you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
