i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize