i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
