I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
