mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
