I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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