Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
