dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You're my little dorito
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
