even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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