Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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