Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
