Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize