sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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