u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
