wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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