then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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