Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize