My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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