her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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