If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
