i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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