Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
