whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
