cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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