okay pat passed out under dana's car
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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