You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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