Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
