Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
