I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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