there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My vagina is officially offended.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
