Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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