the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
this is an emotional support booty call
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
