i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
