You really coming over, don't trick.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think people are normalizing furries
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Come on in and take your pants off
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
