I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
