i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
