i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
we're so committed to being not committed
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
