I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
