Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
this just has baby written all over it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
