Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
