Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
