Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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