Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
