I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize