just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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