You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
