some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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