Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
A bitchslap is in order.
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