my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
