chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We left an ass print on the piano.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
