I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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