Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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