I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
