some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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