nut hugger
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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