I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
