you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
