And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
