Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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