honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
