Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's blow job season.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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