I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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