hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
