Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
