I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
