Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
