the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
